i feel like badness in many ways
and i dont want to do things and am sad and i also have been sickish for weeks (plural!) and its not getting much better and maybe actually worse? and i need to go buy cough drops or something with the money i dont have. but also i cant miss days of school cuz making up hours is the devil (and hard to do if its a LOT of them) and ughhhhh
being alive and shit is so fucking hard. why am i so bad at it?
also i miss having friends.
shit shit im actually really not doing well. not as horrible as i could be doing, butlike.. i think its just getting worse? and i knew this was gonna happen again and now im in school and i cant afford this to happen. and god. why so soon? couldnt it have been like in the spring? that would at least be almost excusable. but my last really bad time was only in like september… soyeah. im basically nonfunctional. good. great. fabulous.
my name is Hannah. and this is my personal blog yo.
i like to blooog it up and to internet. a lot.
i am really bad at life. i like to write sometimes. i like fashion a whole bunch. and coffee is my blood.
i also have some Youtube channels...
a collab with my friend Maddy: [nopantsforyousir]
and a fashion one:
what really sucks is when you know you should be doing something but physically cannot bring yourself to do it no matter how important doing that thing is
my Dad makes dad jokes but because hes a physics teacher theyre not common dad jokes
"hey dad, whats up?"
"Up is a directional vector with no force"
i wrote two new poems
yeah you can see that
but id thought id mention
i dont really know why
my scalp is too tight
for my expanding inadequacies
my brain thumping hard at my temples
twinges in my spine
carried through to muscles
the arches of my feet
struggle to hold themselves up
above the soft surrounding padding
i can feel my heartbeat in every inch of me
veins carrying petrified poison
each ache a reminder
isnt what you thought it would be
you unexpected the expected
and now you have your misery
not saying it isn’t justified
but why hide in play sight
begging for attention
yet wanting to be alone
pitterpat on my back
pebbles add up you know
and maybe i’m the same
selfish for thinking you are
but there are moments
when a spark comes around
instances i cherish
and there you are
ready to dismantle
my freshly made bed
is this a game to you?
do we have to take turns?
"neither can live while the other survives"